BDSM? or BDIL?

Like I say in my Bio, I never set out to write erotic romance, let alone BSDM-inspired erotic romance. (BDSM is, of course, an acronym for bondage, discipline, sado, machoism) However, despite the fact that I indended to write "vanilla" romance, intimacy is what fascinates me. And in what other case is true and complete intimacy as paramount as in a consensual power-exchange relationship? Every developing relationship requires honesty and communication but in a power-exchange relationship, the consequences go beyond emotional pain. To admit to an unusual desire (I will NOT use the word deviant) is to make oneself vulnerable, so the couple interested in exploring their less common needs is, from the outset, risking more. Aned, if that were not enough, there is a risk of true injury if boundaries are not properly set and comunicated. I like to play with this charged need for intimacy in my stories. How does a couple go about communicating their needs? How to they set bounaries? What happens if one balks? Because I write romance, however there is always a happy ending to these negotiations! So in my world, it is not so much BDSM but BDIL: Bondage, Discipline, Intimacy and Love.